Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
While slowly becoming a member of the people who have cars club again I've noticed a troubling phenomenon. Apparently, we have a black President! No that's not the troubling phenomenon. I'm here talking about a much more serious issue. The issue of terrible terrible drivers slapping Obama stickers on their bumpers. There seems to be some type of fundamental correlation between choosing to put an Obama bumper sticker on your car and lacking the ability to make sound driving decisions. I first noticed this about a month ago but thought nothing of it. There are a lot of bad drivers and a lot of Obama supporters so to be fair it could just be coincidence. But then I started to realize what was unfolding right before my eyes. Literally every single person with an Obama bumper sticker was a horrible driver. There are no exceptions. So my message to you is if you're driving or in the car with someone and you see someone with an Obama bumper sticker get the hell away from them. If you actually have an Obama bumper sticker on your car then, um, I don't know how to tell you this but you suck at driving.
This just in a video of someone with an Obama bumper sticker* trying to parallel park.
*Yes, I know that's not the United States. Doesn't mean dude doesn't support Obama with a bumper sticker.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I recently discovered a hidden gem of a channel in the Biography Channel. A friend tipped me off because they were showing a Randy Jackson biography and hey, you're not gonna not watch a Randy Jackson bio. In addition to this wonderful channel showing tons of biographies they also show all these crazy crime and psychic shows. Can you say wheelhouse? A show that I particularly enjoyed over this long weekend (note: they're all long to me) was "I Survived." It's a show where different people describe harrowing experiences that each of them somehow survived despite amazing odds against them. You know, things like kidnappings, murder attempts, hostage situations, wilderness mishaps, machinery errors, just crazy fucking shit. Usually I'm not into stuff like that but man is it riveting! I like to watch it so if I ever encounter a situation on the show I'll know what to do. For instance if you get shot in the head 4 times and stabbed in the neck 27 times it's wise not to die. Valuable info right there. Anyways, I endorse the Bio Channel heavily and you should definitely check it out.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
The pizza wars seem to be heating up right now. See what I did there? Heating up? Pizza? Get it? No? Fuck you. Anyways, Domino's has been advertising their Bread Bowls which to me just seem like a horrible horrible idea (if by horrible I mean the the 10th time I saw the commercial I totally wanted one) and Pizza Hut has been big upping their new Tuscani Pasta. Now in Pizza Hut's latest commercial they take a family and blindfold them to do a taste test on their new pasta. We've seen all the other commercials and we definitely don't believe that people can't tell the difference between a nice Italian restaurants pasta and Pizza Hut's. But Pizza Hut is taking it to another level. This family is blindfolded led back into their house where the Pizza Hut people reveal that they've BEEN IN THEIR HOUSE THE WHOLE TIME!!! Now don't get me wrong, either this is the stupidest fucking family in the United States or Pizza Hut is full of shit. For the family's sake let's hope that Pizza Hut are a bunch of liars and their buttery gross pasta is stupid and this ad campaign is retarded. Because the other option is accepting the fact that this family (all of them) didn't realize that they were in their own home at their own table in their own kitchen. Hey let's get in the "car" guys. Geez this is a really quiet car. Oh yeah it's a Hybrid they're really sweet. Well here we are at the restaurant guys ready for some pasta? Man that restaurant was really close it hardly seemed like we even went anywhere. No, no we're totally at a different location how's the pasta? Amazing...oh my God we're in our on home hyuk hyuk we're morons.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
First off, I'm not really sure why a Shofar is playing a conga in that picture. Today is Cinco de Mayo which is perhaps my favorite holiday to celebrate for no apparent reason. I think it signifies Mexico's independence or some silly thing like that but I think we all know it better for drinking a shitload of Mexican beer and Tequila. If I had to choose one arbitrary holiday to celebrate Cinco de Mayo wins in a landslide. St. Patrick's day is OK but I find the Irish to be depressing and alcoholics. Mexicans on the other hand have an amazing work ethic and are very friendly. Have I sufficientely stereotyped two races? Yes, I think I have. Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody!
Cinco, Cinco, Cinco De MAYO!!!!