WTF PSA of the Day

One of my favorite things is ridiculous PSA's. Public service announcements for those not in the know. This one is particularly noteworthy. Now, I should point out that a lot of people find this to be horrible and not funny in the least. You really can't take the middle ground on this one. I personally find it hilarious. I mean, I get that the message is supposed to be that landmines are bad and in countries where they have them horrible shit happens. I get that. However, whoever produced this went a little bit, hmmm how should I put this...batshit insane. The dad in this should get a freaking Emmy for this commercial. Or at least a motherfucking Soap award. His overacting is priceless. The way he runs over. The way he screams, "Staaaaacy" and "AGHHHHH!" I mean that's a true fucking thespian right there. Plus the little girl limping off. Legendary. So we're gonna have a poll on this video since after showing to this to some people they have labeled me a heartless fuck.

P.S. How bad is the fucking red team? I mean that's the easiest goal ever.

Depressing Dolphins Post of the Week

"Who's Unibrow up there?" you might be asking yourself. It's none other than Ravens quarterback (and projected bust of the decade excluding Brady Quinn) Joe Flacco. Has there ever been a more wienertastic picture of an NFL QB? Oh right. Regardless, this motherfucker threw to one person the entire game. How many times do I have to sit at the bar yelling at the TV to cover Derrick Mason before the Dolphins coaches can hear me? God damnit! If it wasn't for Joey Porter and Ronnie Brown I'd have nothing to look forward to on Sunday. Luckily those two are Pro Bowl bound and make the Dolphins bearable. Fuck you Joe Flacco and your unibrow!

Oh and a special fuck you to Cam Cameron. You sleazy milquetoast motherfucker, I hope you choke on your fish sandwich (I took the liberty of assuming he has a fish sandwich and a milk for every meal of the day).

Atonement

I saw this movie this weekend. I had heard good things about it but to be blunt this movie blew me away. I watched the mofo twice. All I'm gonna say is if you like well written, well acted, amazingly executed movies with great music (scene on the beach equals holy shit) and love tragedies this is your shit. Check it out.

Official Hard Peaches rating: 8.9/10

P.S. I'm officially in love with Keira Knightley.

Depressing Dolphins Post of the Week

I'm posting that picture because I'm a masochist. 3 seconds. 4th and 2. We can't stop a gangly ass white dude from going up the gut to score the go ahead TD? What in the bloody fuck is that shit? Man, I don't even know what to say. Listen, I'm somewhat rational when it comes to the Dolphins (blatant lie). I realize that we're not a very good team. But we spanked the shit out of the Patriots (albeit Brady-less) and we effectively beat the shit out of the Chargers (who spanked the Brady-less Pats). We can't beat a fucking win-less Texans team? Listen, we've never beaten the Texans, in fact they're the only team we've never beaten in the NFL. That's irrelevant though. If the Dolphins are going to truly turn a corner this season, we win these fucking games. Shit, it's not even like I didn't know Andre Johnson was gonna shred us and essentially pull down his pants and lay a big steaming doody all over our DB's. That was obvious. It's just...GOD DAMNIT. I'm so fucking pissed off right now. Listen, if the Dolphins want my still beating heart on a fucking platter they can have it. Just don't make me watch Matt Schaub pull a QB draw to win a fucking game at the last fucking second. Clog the middle you motherfuckers!!! FUCK.

Construction Paper

So much for getting off of work on Columbus day huh? We always used to get off for it in school right? Sheeeyut, remember when we were in elementary school (I'm taking a leap of faith here and assuming all of my readers are above grade 5) and construction paper was part of our lives? Those were the days. You don't really hear about construction paper anymore. Or the big slicer thing that every teacher told you to be careful with. As if somehow we were just gonna be slicing and dicing all willy nilly. We get it, it's a huge slicer don't chop off any fingers. This post doesn't really have any cohesive theme, I for one am just upset that construction paper was ripped out of my life so suddenly and no one really ever brings it up anymore. Construction paper bitches.

Crushing Life

I'd like to direct your attention over to the Linktastic section of this blog. The what? Yeah, you see that little thing over there to the right that says "Linktastic." That's it hotshot you got it. Now click on Crushing Life. New blog by a good friend which is bound to be awesome. Not quite as awesome as this one, but as close as is humanly possible. Here's a link for you extremely lazy people:

Crushing Life

Baby Mama

I've been going through Tina Fey withdrawal lately. What with 30 Rock still on hiatus and those titillating Fey as Palin skits on SNL. So I decided to get my fix via "Baby Mama." I mean how can you go wrong with Fey and Poehler right? Shit the movie even has Steve Martin, Sigourney Weaver, Greg Kinnear and like every current SNL member. So much to my shagrin this movie is absolutely, unequivocally, unabashedly horrible. Shocking how bad this movie is really. I suppose if you're a 37 year old woman without a child who wants one you might be able to relate but I can't imagine even in that case that it would be funny. So save your time and money and never see this movie. I know, I know it's tempting but trust me this movie is Stinkfest 4000.

Official Hard Peaches rating: 4.3/10

The Subway

I pretty much have to take the subway every day now. It's really not that bad. Sure it's crowded, smelly and most people avoid direct eye contact like the plague but it's usually fine. Here's my issue. The people who think they're so cool that they don't need to hang on to the bars if they're standing up. Those people piss me off so much. Hey hot-shot, give me a fucking break. We all know that if the train suddenly jerks you're going down, no need to show off that you can stand in a calm environment. I just feel like it's bragging is all. So yeah fuck those people.

Bonus story, yesterday I saw a woman in a wheelchair using her feet to pull her self along. What the fuck is that shit?

McCain

Did you hear? John McCain is attending the Presidential Debate tonight! What a noble move by him. I mean he didn't want to go because the economy is fucked up, that's cool. It's not as if the President would have to ever talk about or address the state of the economy. Also it's not even like he's running for president or anything...oh wait. He is? This dumb mutherfucker. Last time I checked if you're running for president you go to the fucking Presidential Debate. What does he want Obama to do sit up there and talk for two hours? Obama doesn't want to do that...actually, that's probably exactly what he wants to do. Thank you John McCain for being so ridiculously stupid that it entertains even the severly jaded such as myself.

Speed Racer

I saw this the other day. Surprisingly awesome. Actually, I think it's one of the best movies I've seen this year. Better than the Hulk, better than Iron Man. Better than anything else I might have forgotten that might be better. Speed Racer was a kids cartoon show but really this has nothing to do with that as far as I can tell. It's a pretty long film clocking in at about 2 hours. Visually it's amazing. Plot-wise it holds up as well. It's not a kids flick, you get a few curse words here and there and for about 95% of the movie I was thoroughly entertained. Can't ask for much more nowadays. Also a great performance by John Goodman as Pops. Good one.

HardPeaches official rating: 8.4/10

Solange Knowles - Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams

Album review time!

This album is a sleeper. Yeah, that's right, a sleeper. A juggernaut with ballerina shoes. We all remember kid sis right? You know, Beyonce's little sister? I'll say this, Solange ain't no Beyonce. In this particular case that's not a bad thing. Don't get me wrong I love my Destiny's Child and Beyonce as much as the next person. "Bills, Bills, Bills" is always in my rotation. Solange just chose to go a different way with it. I heard that she was going for that throwback Motown feel that's very popular nowadays a while ago. I was concerned. That's soul music. Was Beyonce's lil' sis gonna be able to pull that off? And that, ultimately, is the greatest thing about this album. At no time during the whole record do you feel like she's being forced to do something outside of her comfort zone. The fact that it works so effortlessly is really a great achievement and a testament to her as an artist. Solange really seems to have a deep respect for those who came before her and in no way is she striving to be Beyonce. My fav tracks have to be the previously mentioned "Sandcastle Disco" the super chilled out "ChampagneChroniKnightCap" which also features Lil' Wayne (is there anything he's not on?...the answer is no) and "Valentine's Day" which sounds exactly like a N.E.R.D song. Speaking of Pharrell and friends the Neptunes produced the entire album. There's a feather in your cap. If you're used to getting albums with just a few songs you like and then the rest is filler this is a suprising and awesome change of pace. Check it.

Official HardPeaches rating: 8/10

The Tyra Banks Show

This is hands down one of my favorite shows ever. Granted, I've only been watching it for a few weeks but my DVR is full of them. After a long hard day nothing helps me unwind more than watching me some Tyra. Now, at least 2/3 of you are thinking I've lost it. To you I say, watch the show. It is amazing. You see, Tyra has classic hot girl syndrome. Someone who is so ridiculously hot she gets away with being totally insane. It's understandable. Who is gonna tell Tyra she's acting a fool? No one, that's who. What makes the show so incredibly amazing is Tyra's impromptu outbursts. She has a repetoire of about 75 faces that she uses to perfection. She can also turn on the ghetto-talk like nobody's business. Plus she smiles with her eyes. Then there are the topics for the show. Just a few highlights I've seen. The "squashing" episode where 500+ lb women sit on men in some odd fetish that way too many dudes seemed to be into. The "growing-up gay in the hood" episode. The "real sex in the city" episode. The "fashionista to recessionista" episode. I mean I won't even try to do justice to these shows by re-capping them. The "Kardashians" episode was real special. Just to look at the audience members behind Tyra who had the most judgmental and hateful faces while looking at Khloe, Kim, and Kourtney. Priceless. Most people scoff when I tell them this show is good, then I make them watch it and I've yet to find a person who is not on board by the end of one episode. Oh and hell yeah I got tickets for October. It's gonna be awesome.

This Brightened My Day