Old School

So, for some reason I decided to log onto MySpace today. Does anyone even use that anymore? Regardless, I found my old blog and it's the same shit I do now just from 3 years ago. So I present to you an old blog post in the form of an IM chat between me and another dork. Yes, I used to do a running recap of each episode of The OC. Yeah.

The OC (aim version)

tonight's OC commentary will be presented via an instant messenger conversation i had with a fellow OC watcher who was unable to catch the first 50 minutes of the show:


ZG (8:51:09 PM): what happened up until now
drwho0720 (8:51:20 PM): at break
ZG (8:51:52 PM): at break what
drwho0720 (8:52:24 PM): commercial
drwho0720 (8:54:21 PM): hahaha (referencing summer's mis-usage of "whomever")
drwho0720 (8:54:26 PM): i can't believe he pointed that out
ZG (8:54:28 PM): haha
ZG (8:54:28 PM): yes
ZG (8:54:31 PM): that was funny
drwho0720 (8:56:06 PM): you didn't miss a great one
drwho0720 (8:56:12 PM): ok
ZG (8:56:15 PM): yeah
drwho0720 (8:56:23 PM): so summer got a 2300? on the sat's
drwho0720 (8:56:25 PM): you can't do that
drwho0720 (8:56:28 PM): but they acted like you could
ZG (8:56:34 PM): no you can
drwho0720 (8:56:38 PM): how?
ZG (8:56:39 PM): 2400 point sats
drwho0720 (8:56:43 PM): no way
drwho0720 (8:56:45 PM): 1600
ZG (8:56:49 PM): thats what its been for a few years
ZG (8:56:50 PM): come on man
ZG (8:56:54 PM): they added 800 points
drwho0720 (8:56:55 PM): not when we took it?
ZG (8:56:58 PM): oc is ultra realistic
drwho0720 (8:56:59 PM): really?
ZG (8:57:01 PM): of course not when we took it
drwho0720 (8:57:01 PM): that's bullshit
drwho0720 (8:57:14 PM): fuck that
drwho0720 (8:57:19 PM): i want out of 2400 points
drwho0720 (8:57:21 PM): fuck that
drwho0720 (8:57:23 PM): well anyways
drwho0720 (8:57:27 PM): she decided to apply to brown
drwho0720 (8:57:29 PM): and seth got mad
ZG (8:57:37 PM): y
drwho0720 (8:57:43 PM): because brown usually only takes one person from harbor
drwho0720 (8:57:49 PM): so
drwho0720 (8:57:54 PM): it's kind of dick by summer
ZG (8:57:55 PM): whoah
ZG (8:58:00 PM): i mean it is what it is
drwho0720 (8:58:06 PM): hahaha
drwho0720 (8:58:09 PM): well that's that situation
ZG (8:58:14 PM): ok
drwho0720 (8:58:26 PM): johnny told marissa he loves her while under the influence of vicadin
drwho0720 (8:58:45 PM): because he slipped and fell on a glass he broke when he lost his balance with the crutches
drwho0720 (8:58:51 PM): which was pretty funny
drwho0720 (8:58:58 PM): so there's that
drwho0720 (8:59:09 PM): and julie and kirsten started a catering party planning thing
drwho0720 (8:59:21 PM): but this guy just payed 5000 bucks to go on a private house date with julie
ZG (8:59:28 PM): johnny is just oliver revisited
drwho0720 (8:59:29 PM): so that's their new thing
ZG (8:59:32 PM): thats stupid
drwho0720 (8:59:41 PM): oh and matt
drwho0720 (8:59:44 PM): sandy's new guy
drwho0720 (8:59:52 PM): oh ryan is interning with sandy and matt
drwho0720 (9:00:11 PM): but matt disclosed that his girlfriend who he asked to move with him to the OC and marry him dumped him
drwho0720 (9:00:15 PM): so he went to the strip club
drwho0720 (9:00:17 PM): with ryan
ZG (9:00:26 PM): haha
drwho0720 (9:00:27 PM): and he got fired
drwho0720 (9:00:31 PM): but then sandy re hired him
ZG (9:00:34 PM): for taking ryan to the strip club>?
ZG (9:00:39 PM): thats the whole reason he got fired?
drwho0720 (9:00:40 PM): beause matt like blew this business proposal
ZG (9:00:43 PM): oh ok
drwho0720 (9:00:43 PM): he didn't have figures
drwho0720 (9:00:50 PM): for something sandy specifically asked him to do
drwho0720 (9:00:53 PM): he just burned out
drwho0720 (9:01:15 PM): but this stripper got the people to come back
drwho0720 (9:01:18 PM): because they were clients
drwho0720 (9:01:24 PM): and i think that's it
ZG (9:01:48 PM): johny has a gun in the next episode
drwho0720 (9:02:15 PM): yeah they're going to do something big
drwho0720 (9:02:21 PM): it's chrismikah and everything is normal

by the way, if you read that whole thing and you don't watch the OC i'm really sorry.

Picture of the Day

Chris Berman Can't Get Enough Of That Haterade

A few pundits are getting a little crazy and picking Miami to win the AFC East. Hey stranger things have happened right? I'm not one of those people saying they're gonna win the division but I'm definitely not ruling it out. However, resident pottymouth Chris Berman has a serious bug up his ass for his pathetic Buffalo Bills and can't stand to see anything good happen to the Dolphins. When asked who could win the AFC East here's what Berman had to say,

“I asked the question who is the best team in the division? My head is telling me New England – expect to win, they know how to win, their coaching is great and they’ve got a lot of guys who won’t accept losing at all. My heart is telling me Buffalo – Yes, I enjoy a team being built, and seeing them, kind of, grow. Though, that’s settling a little bit. But my eyes, from last week, the Jets are an interesting team.”

Oh, so basically you like everyone to win the division except the Dolphins. Way to pick a team fucktard. Sorry we predictably beat your pathetic Bills a few weeks ago but at least try to pull your balding dome out of your pooper long enough to appreciate that the Dolphins have as much of a chance as anyone to win that division. Fucker.

Role Models

I saw this last night and the more I think about it the more I think I like it. Sure there are probably 4-5 too many dick jokes but overall this movie delivered when it clearly could have sucked balls. Rudd and Stiffler (does anyone actually know his real name?) are decent enough but the real stars are the kids and the auxiliary players. Gale Sweeney (that lady from all the mock docs) does a great job and seriously knows how to handle a bagel dog. This review is horrible isn't it? Whatever. Whispering eye.

Official Hard Peaches rating: 7/10.

Awesome Dolphins Post of the Week

In case you haven't been counting that's three Awesome Dolphins Posts of the Week in a row. It wasn't pretty. It was almost entirely painful to watch but the Dolphins survived a seemingly whole game rally by the hapless Seahawks to win 21-19 today in Miami. I was in Boston this weekend so I caught the game up there. Of course I was a screaming ass for most of the game. People seem to genuinely support us in bars nowadays so that's nice. Ricky Williams was phenomenal rushing for 105 yards on 12 carries, including a 51-yard TD out of the Wildcat formation. Ted Ginn also looked really good even if his stats don't jump off the page. He returned the opening kick for a touchdown but it was called back because of some bullshit face-mask penalty that had nothing to do with the play. We held on when it mattered and I'll fucking take it. 5-4 now right in the thick of the AFC Wildcard race. Wait...what? Sure people could hate and say we just barely survived against a shitty 2-6 Seahawks team, but so what? We won, it counts. You see playoff teams lose to shitty teams all the time in the NFL so a win is a win. Unless you're the Jets and you run up the score against a pathetic Rams team. That's a douchebag win and we all know those are different than regular wins. Classy. We're 500% better than last year through 9 games. Holla atcha boys.

P.S. Joey Porter also had another half sack. Putting him at 12 for the season.

I Like Turtles Too

I'm here for the people. I just had a 16 hour work day and what do I do when I come home? I fucking blog that's what. Dedication "my friends" (said in John McCain tone).

Brandon Marshall Is A Whiny Bitch

In the aftermath of the Broncos stunning predictable loss to the Dolphins, Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall opened the gaping asshole he calls his mouth to try and talk some shit about Joey Porter.

“Joey Porter is one of those guys who, when you’ve got one of those guys that talk a lot of trash and just want to talk about people or put people down, they have their own insecurities. His insecurities, I don’t know, but he’s definitely one of those guys who, you know, all those muscles are popcorn muscles, he’s soft. We hear stories floating around the league all the time about him you know, in night clubs dancing with his shirt off like a girl or on the playground getting beat up in California. He’s one of those guys that you know, no matter how big he is can get knocked on his butt. He’s soft, he’s soft at heart and you can tell by the way he’s talking. His nickname is Peezy, I don’t know what “Peezy” is, Joey.

Seriously Brandon? I mean, really? Aren't you the same dude who got taken out by a McDonalds bag? And you have the balls to call Peezy soft? Listen, I can understand you're upset that Joey got in your head and totally fucked with you and your supremely overrated quarterback but at least have the intelligence to not call the most dominant pass rusher in the league this season soft. I mean I guess if you meant that he's soft in the sense of the word that he doesn't go around beating up his girlfriends yeah then he's pretty soft. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and shut your mouth you dumb motherfucker. I realize you're going to be an elite receiver, but to date you've done pretty much nothing. Joey has won a superbowl and has gone to the pro bowl three times so far in his career (he's also a lock for it this year). You want to know what "Peezy" is? He's your worst fucking nightmare bitch so shut the fuck up and show some respect.

Who Are You Voting For?

So who are you guys voting for? I know it's somewhat impolite to ask but it's all anonymous here so who cares? I'm voting for Obama. No, not Barack. He's cool but his wife is cooler. That's right, I'm voting for Michelle Obama. In fact I already wrote that in on my absentee ballot. I mean how can you pass on an ass like that, nawaddameen? So who are you voting for? Poll.

Awesome Dolphins Post of the Week

Hey, I could get used to this winning stuff. Feeling pretty good right now. Very solid victory. I was a little surprised how ineffective our running game was considering how bad the Broncos were against the run coming in, but whatever. The best thing about this game is how we shut down Denver's receivers. Brandon Marshall was completely shut down. Definitely did not see that one coming. Jason Allen stepped up and played very well helping out with an interception. Will Allen also had a pick six. And of course Peezy got a sack. That's 11.5 on the season for Joey. He's clearly the emotional leader of the team at this point. As well he should be considering the way he was jawing and hollering at the Broncos the whole game how can you not rally around the dude? Oh and don't overlook our rush defense. Denver had 14 yards on the ground the entire game. Yeah. Listen we're 4-4 right now. If the Patriots lose tonight we'll be one game behind every team in the division. Plus we have a 2-1 divisional record. Also, take a look at our upcoming games:

• Seattle at home
• Oakland at home
• New England at home
• At St. Louis
• At Buffalo
• San Francisco at home
• At Kansas City
• At New York Jets

All I'm saying is, we should and can win at least 5 of those games. That puts us at 9 wins. Before the season that record was unfathomable. Now it's just idealistic hoping. I'll take it. Watch out NFL the Dolphins are on the upswing.

Halls

I've had at least 8 packs of Halls today. It's really the only thing that fends off the sharp stinging pain in my throat. The vapor action is like crack. I'm just worried that after I'm done being sick I'm still gonna crave these things. Seriously, if Halls commanded me to organize an army of evil babies to take over the world I'd do it. My throat huwts...=(

The NBA: Snoozefest '09

The NBA started again. Blah, blah, blah. The NBA isn't quite as bad as say Soccer or Hockey but man the regular season is unfathomably boring. Last year when I co-hosted a sports talk radio show at Berklee I had to watch a ton of basketball so I could pretend to know what I was talking about. That just confirmed how much it sucks now. Everyone knows, college basketball is where it's at.

Sick Days

Sick days kinda suck now. When I was young I remember always exaggerating various illnesses so I could stay home sick. Back then being sick usually entailed watching Gilligan's Island and Golden Girls all day. Now when I get sick I get scenes like today. Which basically entailed me calling various doctor's in Manhattan to make sure they A) accepted my insurance and B) the co-pay was low enough. Fun. On top of that the guy I saw shoved a camera up my nose just so he could look around. I wasn't very fond of that maneuver to be honest. He had to numb my nose up and put this weird paste in there then stuck the camera thingy up there. Ugh. Plus antibiotics are a fucking rip. So yeah being sick now actually sucks and wasn't the awesome time it was when I was ten.

Awesome Dolphins Post of the Week

Ha. Ha. Ha. The Bills. God love 'em. I mean 5-1 definitely got them sippin that kool-aid. They hadn't played any divisional games yet and pretty much beat up on weaklings but old Leroy down at the bar was talking 13-3 at halftime. I love it. The highlights:

• Ted Ginn Jr. has 7 catches for 175 yards. That wasn't a typo.
• Joey Porter is unstoppable. 2 more sacks and 2 forced fumbles one leading to a safety. Joey is gonna be Defensive MVP. You heard it hear first. It's very reminiscent of when JT won MVP in 2006. You just know Joey is gonna step up and make a huge play when it really matters. Wonderful.
• Turnovers. 4 to 1 in favor of the Dolphins. Our DB's held on to balls (pause) when they were thrown directly at them and fumbles galore. Very encouraging.

Trust me I'm not gonna start going crazy and saying this team is gonna be awesome this year. In all likelyhood we won't be great. But if the Dolphins can maintain some consistency we've proven we can at least win some games people don't expect us to win. Thanks for the unanimous picks against us NFL Gameday crew. Suck it Chris Berman!

*Bonus Story*

So I decided to drink pitchers to myself at the bar this weekend because I was sandwiched between two Bills fans and everyone in that area kind of hates me because I'm a huge asshole. So I was feeling it and I saw a guy in a Redskins jersey so I went up to tell him that the Lions suck and that the Redskins got it. I go up touch this guy's shoulder and he freaks the fuck out. He starts yelling at me, "Don't touch me, don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me!" Turns out he's a regular and a few of my bar friends there know him and he's not a bad guy just really weird. Regardless, my friends were sitting right next to him at the opposite end of the bar from from where I was so I'd get up once in a while to harass them about the Jets almost losing to Kansas City. Next to my friends was a woman who I'm guessing was no younger than 80 years old. Every time I would get up and go over there she proceeded to wag her finger at me and go, "No touchy, no touchy!" Then she took a tequila shot with everyone. Anyways moral of the story is if you see a fat red-headed guy at a bar wearing a Redskins jersey with MOE on the back of it do not touch him.