For The Love Of Ray J Recap...Poor Cashmere

Awwww man. Too bad Cashmere left because she was making some serious moves this week. Calling out Cocktail was a great move but unfortunately she's too nice of a person to defend herself when the trio of Cocktail, Danger, and Chardonnay ganged up on her. Cocktail also got called out by Feisty (weak attempt) and she kind of defended herself. Not really. While the overt story line was clearly Cashmere stepping up and then stepping down, the subtle underlying subplot was Unique revealing herself to be the biggest bizatch in the house. Unique is a special breed of bitch. The type of girl who thinks she's hot shit but in reality isn't good at anything except shitty hating and cattiness. I'm really looking forward to her mental breakdown and subsequent ejection. What's bizzare to me is that she's still somehow under the impression that she's a good singer. Ugh, Unique you truly are the worst.

Oh and can we talk about how Ray J ordered pineapple kamikazes at a fancy dinner? C'mon man. Damn.

Week 7 Power Rankings

1. Danger - Baaaad bitch. I think she's got this one on lock.

2. Feisty - Such a cute girl, but I don't think she's cut out for this when all is said and done. Too naive and nice. Hell, she's just a party girl who's looking for a good time.

3. Chardonnay - She's gotta step it up because she's fading fast.

4. Cocktail - Well, the good news is she's been replaced by Unique as the worst person in the house.

5. Unique - Insufferable, praying she leaves next week.

Profile of the Week

Cashmere

Strengths:

-Nice
-Booty like whoa
-Genuine Person

Weaknesses:

-Real Person
-Too nice

Breakdown:

Cashmere was real cool, sadly that was her downfall. It's too bad she didn't take the champagne glass because she was a real nice girl. She's the type of girl who would make a great girlfriend and unfortunately that didn't help her in this competition. It's probably best that she left to be honest.

In 18 Years Some Team Other Than The Dolphins Needs To Sign This Kid

Fucking classic.

Record Set For Most Bad Puns In One News Segment

This is a news report from a model stampede that took place at the "America's Next Top Model" casting call here in New York. Oh to be on the street when the crazy stampede of models started. The shots of the high heels and head-shots are priceless. By the way, who the hell is yelling guns and bombs? Also, the "regular guy" collecting phone numbers and SSN, I totally know that guy. He's a bouncer that I've come across several times at events and just from going out. No word if he was just seizing the opportunity or actually working for the show. A lack of "model behavior" indeed.

*UPDATE*

Here's more video of the actual stampede. Awesome.

Chelsea Handler Is The Worst Person Ever

Osama who? Holy shit this bitch is annoying. Who the fuck are you to grill Ray J? Like he was actually looking for love on his show. Her questions aren't terrible but the way she asks them is insufferable. Why does she have to say shit like such a bitch? I've never watched Chelsea Lately but if this is her shtick I for the life of me cannot figure out how she has a TV show? "Heeeey, listen to me whine and act holier than thou when my whole career is based off of celebrity gossip and rumors." Shut the fuck up. She's also dating the guy who runs Comcast Entertainment Division which wait for it...wait for it...runs E!. I guess that explains how she got the TV show. Womp womp. The worst.

Here's a clip of her being a bitch to Ray J.

Ricky Gervais On Sesame Street

Sesame Street is great huh? Ricky Gervais is also pretty great. I'm gonna be honest here, that's all I got. Enjoy the clip.

Mr. T Falls In Love...

With the FlavorWave Turbo! I don't know who decided that Mr. T had a wonderful culinary mind but his refined palate clearly knows deliciousness. Oh how the mighty have fallen...

I Like Toitles And Toitles Like Shoes

Apparently this has been making the rounds on the series of tubes. Who am I to not post a video of a turtle trying in vain :( to have sex with a shoe.

For The Love Of Ray J Recap...This Is Bullshit

For some inexplicable reason there was no new "For The Love Of Ray J" this week. Ain't that a bitch. I figure I'll just put some new comments in the power rankings and do a new Featured Profile.

Week 5 (and 6) Power Rankings

1. Danger - Just a baaaad bitch. Don't fuck with her.

2. Cocktail - Riding high right now, we'll see where it goes.

3. Feisty - Is Feisty a dark horse? I'm not ready to say it, but I can feel it coming.

4. Chardonnay - Quiet..almost too quiet.

5. Cashmere - Are we sure she's on this show?

6. Unique - In my anger at the lack of a new Ray J I re-watched last weeks episode and I don't think it quite hit me how horrible Unique is. She's bad. Real bad.

Profile of the Week

Cocktail

Strengths:

-Crafty
-Amazing Body
-Pretty sure she's a stripper

Weaknesses:

-Derives maniacal pleasure from others failures
-Bitchy

Breakdown:

She's definitely a contender don't get me wrong, but I don't think she can outwit all of these other girls. Eventually she'll get caught in her own bullshit and collapse under the pressure of said exposure. I peg her for the top 3 but it's only a matter of time before she loses it.

Finally Tonight: Jesus Is Everywhere!

I heart the local news.

This Guy Is Awesome

I'd like to point out that this is EXACTLY how I act when I win at anything.

Mormon Pickup LInes

Oh those crazy Mormons. Is it just me or does the second guy have a little retard in him? Also, note to the guy who said he feels like Richard Gere because he's standing next to a pretty woman. The "pretty woman" in that movie was a prostitute. Might wanna rethink that one before you test it out in the field. And who does the guy at the end think he is? Too good for pickup lines? Get outta here buddy, and nice tie. I will say I'm totally using the, "I'm Clayton McDonald" line as I casually look up from my book.

Also did the person who picked "Secret Garden" as the music for this video even listen to the lyrics of that song. They might as well have went with Ludacris' "What's Your Fantasy."

For The Love Of Ray J Recap...Feisty Shows Up

Man, RIP Stacks huh? I understand her leaving to be with her pops, that's admirable and the girl probably realized it's more important to be with her father than stay in a competition that will so clearly be won by someone other than her. OK the highlights. Thank fucking God Lil' Hood got her skanky ass off the show. And can we talk about how Lil Hood tried to twist the shit up on Ray J saying that he was a "spoiled brat." While that may be true, c'mon stop questioning the moral values of Ray J, that's not what this show is about. At least she left with her dignity right? The end to the reverse reverse racism has finally come. She truly was the worst. In the up and comers corner we have Feisty and her awesome boobs, which she made known tonight are a force to be reckoned with. Her team threw her under the bus by making her box Lil Hood and then Unique unilaterally decided that she was a "lady" and didn't want to be "trashy" by fighting. So you send the little Latina out to do your dirty business? Poor form Unique, poor form. Unique has really been awful the past few weeks what with the shitty/forget the lyrics singing and now this weak sauce move. Feisty on the other hand showed some real chutzpah and seems like she will be around for a minute. It was a weird episode since two people left without a real elimination but we're now down to the final six. So here are the power rankings:

Week 5 Power Ranking

1. Danger - She's already slept with Ray J, and truly scared the shit out of me (and the other girls) when she put on boxing gloves.

2. Cocktail - As long as she plays the role of the spy she's going to ingratiate herself to Ray J. Smart girl but ultimately she'll be foiled by her lust for seeing others fail.

3. Feisty - Boobs and pity party were in her favor this week. All things considered a very strong showing.

4. Chardonnay - Lurking in the background but we know she can bring it.

5. Cashmere - Step it up hun, boring is a cardinal sin in this game.

6. Unique - She's gone. What the fuck was with the pussying out of the boxing shit? She can't sing and has exposed herself as a fame whore. In next weeks teaser Feisty claims she's a gold digger who's been on previous reality shows. Ruh oh.

Profile of the Week

Feisty

Strengths:

-Not Lil' Hood
-Hot
-Boobs

Weaknesses:

-Not So Smart
-Too nice

Breakdown:

The world runs because of girls like Feisty. Just a nice girl who aims to please. Amen honey, Amen.

Dennis Rodman Smashing Into A Cliff

It's as good as it sounds.