District 9

A couple of months ago I saw a sign like the one above plastered on a building in the LES. I had no idea what it meant but I assumed we were just harboring aliens somewhere. No biggie. Much to my surprise it was a promotional advertisement for the movie "District 9." "District 9" by the way is a pretty shitty movie. It's shot cool it looks cool and then the aliens and some dude start becoming buddies and it's like hey guys you had a cool concept on your hands you don't have to do literally everything in your power to make it terrible. But they did and so this is the movie we get. I'd say skip it if you want to save 2 hours of life.

Official Hard Peaches rating: 4/10

Heavy Stuff

You know when you lift something really heavy up and then you go and try to get a drink of water in a glass and you completely misjudge the weight of the glass and spill water on yourself? That's bullshit.

Picture of the Day

Egyptian bust carved between 1550 BC and 1050 BC. Michael Jackson obviously had a time machine. This is of a woman by the way.

Very Important Question

Get 'em buddy!

Mr. Spriggs BBQ Seems Pretty Pretty Cool

Obviously one of the top 5 best commercials in the history of commercials that are based around bbq and smooth rnb grooves. The guy's reaction at the :32 mark is fantastic. I'm booking my ticket to Oklahoma right now.



*blatantly stolen from Phonte's Twitter page.

Wish These People A Happy Birthday

Gisele Bundchen



Stephen Strasburg

Vitamin C

Picture of the Day

I can't figure out what it means either.

We've Gone Too Far

Listen, I get it babies are cute and people like cute things. So if you have babies do things that grown people normally do that would be especially cute. But Evian it doesn't work like that and you are so so wrong. This is terrible, it's scary and horrible and every synonym that means DON'T DO THINGS LIKE THIS.

Movie Review That No One Cares About

"Reign Over Me" starring Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle is a touching movie about loss, grief, and how people interact when faced with adversity. Ugh, punch me in the fucking face for typing that. But that's really what the movie is about. You know, in actuality it wasn't that bad. I'm a sucker for the emotional comedomelodrama's (it's a word, look it up). Sandler gives a pretty awesome performance and actually outshines Cheadle. Cheadle does most of the heavy lifting and should be commended for that but Sandler definitely pulls an oopty-oop (also a word) and one-ups Cheadle. All-in-all I liked this film. Good review? Great review.

Official Hard Peaches Rating: 6.8/10


P.S.

Since I watch so many random (and usually terrible) movies that I doubt most people would have any interest in I've decided to make the Movie Review That No One Cares About a feature. Deal with it.

I Am King Of The Nerds

While watching this video of people doing things the fastest in the world (ladies, you know I got one of those records, hey-ooooo) I immediately noticed the music. What is it you ask me? Well it's obviously the music that plays when you fight Gilgamesh in Final Fantasy V. So yes, I'm a huge nerd.

This Lady Speaks Squirrel

This seemingly innocuous video of two news anchors commenting on some video of a squirrel with a yogurt cup stuck on its' head could be considered cute and absurd. I for one, think this clip could be the single most important video for the furthering of inter-species communications in the history of history. The lady newsman drops it casually but she lets on that she knows A) of an existence of a squirrel language B) that given the scenario this squirrel said "thank you" in the aforementioned squirrel language. There is no C). Scientists need to take this woman and study her in the name of science for the benefit of humankind. And Squirrelkind.

Bruno

Bruno. Hmmm. Do you like penis? If you like penis you will love this movie. Personally I only like one penis and that's my own. We get along great. However, despite the abundant amount of cock and balls Bruno is a pretty solid movie (pun maybe not intended?). There are some genuinely hilarious parts (the terrorist interview, the middle-east summit, the fake talk-show with his African baby) and there are definitely some parts where you don't want to look at the screen. Bruno falls somewhere in between a really funny awesome movie and something I don't think I'll ever see again.

Official Hard Peaches rating: 6.5

Picture of the Day

Quick name the best thing about this photo. Bong? Nope. Humongous bottle of booze? Wrong again. Raccoon shirt with matching sweats? Winner.