Best Campaign Ad In The History Of Campaign Ads

What is it about this campaign ad that puts it above the rest? Is it the clear and erudite manner in which Mr. Basil Marceaux conveys his political aspirations? Is it his constant swaying and gyrations that raise him to the lofty echelons of political supremacy? Could it be his various political theories and aspirations such as Stopping Traffic Stops? Is it just one of this things alone? Nay, I say. Nay. It is Basil Marceaux the man. His quiet confidence, his disdain for left-flying flags and his desire to accomplish all of his initiative in oh about a year. If everyone was more like Mr. Basil Marceaux (btw best name ever) the United States and the world at large would certainly be a better place. Well it would at least be a world with more vegetation in vacant lots.

Long story short I'm moving to Tennessee to vote for this guy. 

Obama Bumper Sticker = Terrible Driver

While slowly becoming a member of the people who have cars club again I've noticed a troubling phenomenon. Apparently, we have a black President! No that's not the troubling phenomenon. I'm here talking about a much more serious issue. The issue of terrible terrible drivers slapping Obama stickers on their bumpers. There seems to be some type of fundamental correlation between choosing to put an Obama bumper sticker on your car and lacking the ability to make sound driving decisions. I first noticed this about a month ago but thought nothing of it. There are a lot of bad drivers and a lot of Obama supporters so to be fair it could just be coincidence. But then I started to realize what was unfolding right before my eyes. Literally every single person with an Obama bumper sticker was a horrible driver. There are no exceptions. So my message to you is if you're driving or in the car with someone and you see someone with an Obama bumper sticker get the hell away from them. If you actually have an Obama bumper sticker on your car then, um, I don't know how to tell you this but you suck at driving.

This just in a video of someone with an Obama bumper sticker* trying to parallel park.




*Yes, I know that's not the United States. Doesn't mean dude doesn't support Obama with a bumper sticker.

Japanese People Still Haven't Gotten The Memo About Blackface

This guy enacted real change. Lemon into Orange? Yes we can!

Obama Is So Great...Wait, What's Going On?

Wait...They Do What?

That definitely falls under that category of too much information.

You Will Be Missed George W. Bush

Yeah I'm happy he's not running the country anymore too but hot damn he was a treasure trove of comedy.

Who Are You Voting For?

So who are you guys voting for? I know it's somewhat impolite to ask but it's all anonymous here so who cares? I'm voting for Obama. No, not Barack. He's cool but his wife is cooler. That's right, I'm voting for Michelle Obama. In fact I already wrote that in on my absentee ballot. I mean how can you pass on an ass like that, nawaddameen? So who are you voting for? Poll.

McCain

Did you hear? John McCain is attending the Presidential Debate tonight! What a noble move by him. I mean he didn't want to go because the economy is fucked up, that's cool. It's not as if the President would have to ever talk about or address the state of the economy. Also it's not even like he's running for president or anything...oh wait. He is? This dumb mutherfucker. Last time I checked if you're running for president you go to the fucking Presidential Debate. What does he want Obama to do sit up there and talk for two hours? Obama doesn't want to do that...actually, that's probably exactly what he wants to do. Thank you John McCain for being so ridiculously stupid that it entertains even the severly jaded such as myself.

The RNC

I mean...what the hell is up with these guys? It's like a freaking cartoon. I think the Democrats suck too but I mean is it even up for debate that the Republicans are playing the role of the most sinister and evil organization ever? And Sarah Palin. Sarah fucking Palin. Has there ever been a more boneheaded or transparent VP choice ever in the history of veeps? I know everyone has heard about all the scandals at this point but let's do a quick recap:

- Hid pregnacy of Down Syndrome baby
- Fired her sisters' ex-husband from the police force because they had issues
- Her daughter Bristol (really?) is 7 months knocked up and unmarried
- Fiscally mismanaged Alaksa (presumably her strong point)

Duuuude. C'mon. I mean what's the deal here? She reminds me of the bitchy woman in charge of the PTA meetings. Some lady who thinks she's running some serious shit but in reality she's just a doofus in over her head. It's not even her fault really, it's just a horrible choice by McCain who is arguably running the worst campaign ever. Well except when Grover Cleveland ran on the "Baby's Are Overrated" platform. That in retrospect wasn't so smart. So here we have Barack Obama running a smooth stealthy campaign of suave excellence and the Republicans are just floundering. I actually saw today what they were up in arms about. Obama called Palin's town "Wasilly" instead of "Wasilla." What an asshole right? The super scary thing is is that they're still gonna be in it come November. You see, if you give the masses a choice between two similar options they get confused. This is why they put forth diametric opposites. You have to polarize the people to make them care. That's how this country works I guess, probably the world too. If everything were homogenized people wouldn't know what to do. So yeah, the Republicans are redonk.

Sidenote: How hot is Sarah Palin? I'm going 6.2/10. Just not into the whole housewife/sexy librarian look. Although that picture is fantastic. Poll.

Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama is kinda hot huh? Badonkadonk! Who knew. If you missed it she was the headline speaker at the opening of the DNC. She gave a helluva speech and looked good doing it. Granted, she came out to a Stevie Wonder song and was also played off to one so she could have said anything and I would have liked her, but she was pretty awesome. Well done Barack, well done.

Speech:



Here's what she came out to. Classic.

Joe Biden/TXT Message

Yay, it's Joe Biden! Oh wait, I didn't mean yay, I meant who gives a fuck. I'm probably being too harsh. I guess this is a good pick. The thinking being that Biden can help carry Pennsylvania, a key swing-state, since he's from Delaware which is close to Pennsylvania? Whatever. He's also supposed to fulfill the role of attack dog and brings experience (which Obama lacks) to the ticket. I actually kind of liked him in the primary debates too. However, that's really not why I'm bringing this up. More to the point, what kind of stupid shit is the text messaging of Obama's choice for VP? That is the dorkiest thing I've ever heard of. At first I just thought it was stupid but then I really got behind the idea. It's like a douchebag alert, much like a Ron Paul bumper sticker. If someone texted you or called you or let you know otherwise that they got the text letting them know who Obama picked you can immediately rule that person off as a douche. Seriously, you can't wait 12 hours to find out who it is? I love text messaging too. That's not the issue, I just think it's another transparent effort to capitilaze on Obama fever. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I like Obama. I want him to win. However, he's not the messiah, he's a politician. Maybe I'm jaded, maybe I'm an asshole, maybe I'm just a hater but for the love of Xenu can we get off our collective knees for a second and just look at the guy with zealotless eyes? I think he's going to be a good to very good president, but annointing politicians as saviors is never the way to go. So yeah I think the text messaging was stupid and I guess it's cool Biden is the VP candidate.

Why George Bush Is Awesome

Don't hate. You guys are gonna miss this when we have stoic Barack Obama being a killjoy.

I Guess Obama Is Cool

I stopped being interested in politics after the 2000 Election. I used to be really into it but then I got disillusioned because that was some bullshit. Since then I really only get interested when George Bush makes some silly comment. I don't think people appreciate just how awesome George Bush is. He's comedic gold. No other president is gonna give us the awesome soundbites and fuck-ups quite like him. Regardless, I've been pretty skeptical about Obama. I was pulling for Hillary during the primaries. It's not that I think he's bad or anything I just think he's a little over the top. The "Yes We Can" stuff just seems so corny and manufactured to me. A lot of people who bought into him hook line and sinker have been getting upset that he's been flip flopping on a lot of issues. That's precisely why I didn't get all gung-ho about him. He's a politician. However, the other day he did something that completely won me over. He drained a 3-pointer in Kuwait. Now that is some hot shit. I don't care about his plans to bust the recession or to get out of Iraq or whatever. Drain a couple 3-pointers and we're good. If he ever dunks it's so over. So for your viewing pleasure here's Obama shooting the J.