Your Rodney Dangerfield of the Day

Such a beast.

Music Video Of The Day

Obama Bumper Sticker = Terrible Driver

While slowly becoming a member of the people who have cars club again I've noticed a troubling phenomenon. Apparently, we have a black President! No that's not the troubling phenomenon. I'm here talking about a much more serious issue. The issue of terrible terrible drivers slapping Obama stickers on their bumpers. There seems to be some type of fundamental correlation between choosing to put an Obama bumper sticker on your car and lacking the ability to make sound driving decisions. I first noticed this about a month ago but thought nothing of it. There are a lot of bad drivers and a lot of Obama supporters so to be fair it could just be coincidence. But then I started to realize what was unfolding right before my eyes. Literally every single person with an Obama bumper sticker was a horrible driver. There are no exceptions. So my message to you is if you're driving or in the car with someone and you see someone with an Obama bumper sticker get the hell away from them. If you actually have an Obama bumper sticker on your car then, um, I don't know how to tell you this but you suck at driving.

This just in a video of someone with an Obama bumper sticker* trying to parallel park.




*Yes, I know that's not the United States. Doesn't mean dude doesn't support Obama with a bumper sticker.

"I Survived" Is Awesome

I recently discovered a hidden gem of a channel in the Biography Channel. A friend tipped me off because they were showing a Randy Jackson biography and hey, you're not gonna not watch a Randy Jackson bio. In addition to this wonderful channel showing tons of biographies they also show all these crazy crime and psychic shows. Can you say wheelhouse? A show that I particularly enjoyed over this long weekend (note: they're all long to me) was "I Survived." It's a show where different people describe harrowing experiences that each of them somehow survived despite amazing odds against them. You know, things like kidnappings, murder attempts, hostage situations, wilderness mishaps, machinery errors, just crazy fucking shit. Usually I'm not into stuff like that but man is it riveting! I like to watch it so if I ever encounter a situation on the show I'll know what to do. For instance if you get shot in the head 4 times and stabbed in the neck 27 times it's wise not to die. Valuable info right there. Anyways, I endorse the Bio Channel heavily and you should definitely check it out.

Towels Are So Complicated

Finally, someone solved the age old problem of towels.

Your Innappropriate Of The Day

I could have titled this post Whore Training Part 1 but I didn't. Nice Mizzou shirt...

Pizza Hut Preys On Dumb Families

The pizza wars seem to be heating up right now. See what I did there? Heating up? Pizza? Get it? No? Fuck you. Anyways, Domino's has been advertising their Bread Bowls which to me just seem like a horrible horrible idea (if by horrible I mean the the 10th time I saw the commercial I totally wanted one) and Pizza Hut has been big upping their new Tuscani Pasta. Now in Pizza Hut's latest commercial they take a family and blindfold them to do a taste test on their new pasta. We've seen all the other commercials and we definitely don't believe that people can't tell the difference between a nice Italian restaurants pasta and Pizza Hut's. But Pizza Hut is taking it to another level. This family is blindfolded led back into their house where the Pizza Hut people reveal that they've BEEN IN THEIR HOUSE THE WHOLE TIME!!! Now don't get me wrong, either this is the stupidest fucking family in the United States or Pizza Hut is full of shit. For the family's sake let's hope that Pizza Hut are a bunch of liars and their buttery gross pasta is stupid and this ad campaign is retarded. Because the other option is accepting the fact that this family (all of them) didn't realize that they were in their own home at their own table in their own kitchen. Hey let's get in the "car" guys. Geez this is a really quiet car. Oh yeah it's a Hybrid they're really sweet. Well here we are at the restaurant guys ready for some pasta? Man that restaurant was really close it hardly seemed like we even went anywhere. No, no we're totally at a different location how's the pasta? Amazing...oh my God we're in our on home hyuk hyuk we're morons.

Jaaaam!

The remix of this featuring Lil Wayne is also pretty awesome. Oh yeah and EARS!!

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

First off, I'm not really sure why a Shofar is playing a conga in that picture. Today is Cinco de Mayo which is perhaps my favorite holiday to celebrate for no apparent reason. I think it signifies Mexico's independence or some silly thing like that but I think we all know it better for drinking a shitload of Mexican beer and Tequila. If I had to choose one arbitrary holiday to celebrate Cinco de Mayo wins in a landslide. St. Patrick's day is OK but I find the Irish to be depressing and alcoholics. Mexicans on the other hand have an amazing work ethic and are very friendly. Have I sufficientely stereotyped two races? Yes, I think I have. Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody!

Cinco, Cinco, Cinco De MAYO!!!!

Stepbrothers Bonus Clips

Stepbrothers is one of my favorite movies of all time ever. Check out these bonus clips. If you don't know about how awesome this movie is you're totally cheating yourself.

Name Confusion

Fancy Sauce

Why Cleveland Is Awesome: Part Deux

"Our main export is crippling depression" is genius.

Seeya Later John Beck

Well as the saying goes you win some and you lose some. Also, sometimes Cam Cameron (I call him the Gobbler) is your head coach and makes your favorite team draft a 26-year old Mormon with a 2nd round pick. The Miami Dolphins cut ties with their former 2nd round pick John Beck April 27. I will be the first one to admit I was convinced John Beck was going to be the savior of the Dolphins. I was drinking the kool-aid that year. Trent Green would be awesome and then seamlessly hand over the reigns to John Beck midway through the season. Thank the heavens that the football Gods do not curse the Dolphins like they do other teams. Sure we went 1-15 the year Beck was drafted and Cleo Lemon was far and away our best QB but that led to The Gobbler getting fired and Parcells, Ireland, and Sparano coming in to help turn things around.

John Beck represents a lot of things to me. Not only is he one of the last remaining ties to the Cam Cameron era Beck gave me a glimpse of what several years of constant mismanagement and ineptitude can do to a fan's psyche. I was ready to believe that John Beck was the answer to all of the Dolphins woes. Now I kind of know why Lions, Redskins, Jets, Bears, and Browns fans think the way they do. When you're bad for so long you lose all perspective. You can see other teams doing succesful things but it's still so easy to get suckered in to believing that a move that you know isn't going to help the team might actually end up saving your team. It's a terrible affliction and I truly sympathize with fans of those teams...to an extent.

The Dolphins going 11-5 last year was the most miraculous season of my Dolphins loving life. It completely restored my faith in the game of football and coupled with the Patriots going 18-1 the year before was just a marvelous indicator that there are certain unalterable rules that can't be broken. I picked the Miami Dolphins as my favorite team because when I was a kid I was intrigued by the legends of Dolphins past (Csonka, Griese, '72 team) while simultaenously I was able to watch Dan Marino and Don Shula dominate teams. Let me put this in perspective a little more. The Dolphins have a total of FIVE losing season since the merger in 1970. THREE of those losing seasons came in the past five years. Think about that. To see the Dolphins go 1-15 was beyond painful and was the culmination of a team that didn't know what it was doing for about 5-6 years. Cutting ties with a major player from that year in Beck represents a whole hell of a lot more to me than just wasting a second round pick. It represents that I team I love and will love forever is finally back on track. It's a good feeling.

For The Love Of Ray J Recap...Chicago Larry Shows Up

This was a great reunion special. We learned that Ray J and Cocktail are still together, which is bizarre to me. We found out Danger isn't pregnant with Ray J's baby. We also got more confirmation that Unique is the worst via an awesome audience member (or Ray J girl?) who yelled out "least she got paid for it" when Unique was trying to talk shit about Danger being a prostitiute. Amen. Chardonnay admitted that she still has feelings for Ray J which is awkward because Ray J won't just admit that he's not that in to her. Although, he did pull out the best explanation of now how they're off the show and he can have sex free from shame. Even the audience applauded him on that one. The best part of the night was when Chicago Larry came out and had to sit there awkwardly explaining how it's just about "business" with Caviar. Yeah, business Larry, I read you loud and clear. Oh yeah and Cashmere was looking niiiiiice. Shouldn't be too long before Ray J 2 comes along.