Tuesday, August 5, 2008


I used to have a serious addiction to popsicles. I still will dabble but they are a dangerous beast. I usually had the regular ones. You know orange, grape, cherry (boo) ones. I got them not only because they're great pretty much anytime of day but the Popsicle brand ones come with little jokes on them too. Sometimes the jokes were infuriating. For instance, "What's the wheels favorite song?" Give up? You should because the answer is so asinine and unsatisfying you're just gonna be mad if you try too hard to get it. The answer was, "Merrily We Roll Along." What the fuck? Is that even a real song? Actually it is, and I only know that because my smart ass friend googled it just to prove that he remembered it. He didn't. It's loosely based on "Good Night Ladies" but not it. It's some obscure weird song that a five year old kid (who the popsicles are intended for) is gonna have a 0% chance of knowing. I'm convinced there's some child labor camp making poor 3rd world country kids come up with these ridiculous jokes and all they have is out of date 1930's pamphlets. That's the only explanation as to why they would reference some stupid shit like "Merrily We Roll Along." Anyways, I realized I was having a problem with popsicles when I started getting the same jokes over and over and could consistently answer them all.

Q: What did the boy melon say to the girl melon?
A: We're too young we canteloupe.

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